When professors say this ÖThey really mean this!

* This needs some minor revision.  (I never actually got around to reading this.)

* My office hours are by appointment only. (I like to get out of here early.)

* Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. (Iíll be fudging your grades.)

* This wonít be on the test. (Nap time!)

* Bring the text to class.  (I donít have a clue how to lecture ... weíll just kill time with group read-alongs.)

* Talk to the department secretary.  (Get lost.)

* Talk to me in my office after class.  (Get out of my face.)

* The tests will all be multiple-choice.   (I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my

* Donít come in late during my lecture.   (I have the attention span of a fruit fly.)

* Save your questions until the end.   (See above.)

* The final will be comprehensive.   (Iíll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldnít fully cover myself in 15

* Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations.   (This course is outside my specialtyóIíll just bluff it and let YOU teach.)

* There are two TAs available to help you.  (I canít be bothered.)

* This year Iíll be scaling the grades.    (I just passed tenure review.)

* Letís break up into quiet discussion groups.   (I have a hangover.)

* Letís have class outdoors today!   (I had beans for lunch.)

* You wonít be able to sell back the text to the bookstore.   (My contract wasnít picked up.)

* Please note the last day to withdraw.   (The midtermís gonna suck.)

* The answer to number 4 is "b," and just skip number 17.   (I only got around to making up the test last night.)

* The second list is optional reading.   (I have a rich fantasy life.)

* I havenít had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet.   (The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this
course at the last possible minute.)

* Well, it was on the syllabus.   (Iíll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.)

* Weíll just skip the term paper this semester.  (There wasnít enough in the budget for a TA.)

* Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam.   (See above.)

* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade.   (Iím so boring that no one would show up otherwise.)

* Read chapters 5 through 10.  (Iím not coming in at all next week.)

* Weíll have to cover this chapter quickly.   (I screwed up the lecture schedule.)

* Letís go over the exam.   (Half of you failed.)

* It was in the textbook.   (I pulled it out of thin air.)

* Iím postponing todayís exam.   (Thereís stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.)

* Donít write on the question sheet.   (Iím so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.)