* This needs some minor revision.  (I never actually got around to reading this.)

* My office hours are by appointment only. (I like to get out of here early.)

* Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. (I’ll be fudging your grades.)

* This won’t be on the test. (Nap time!)

* Bring the text to class.  (I don’t have a clue how to lecture ... we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.)

* Talk to the department secretary.  (Get lost.)

* Talk to me in my office after class.  (Get out of my face.)

* The tests will all be multiple-choice.   (I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my
grading.)

* Don’t come in late during my lecture.   (I have the attention span of a fruit fly.)

* Save your questions until the end.   (See above.)

* The final will be comprehensive.   (I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15
weeks.)

* Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations.   (This course is outside my specialty—I’ll just bluff it and let YOU teach.)

* There are two TAs available to help you.  (I can’t be bothered.)

* This year I’ll be scaling the grades.    (I just passed tenure review.)

* Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups.   (I have a hangover.)

* Let’s have class outdoors today!   (I had beans for lunch.)

* You won’t be able to sell back the text to the bookstore.   (My contract wasn’t picked up.)

* Please note the last day to withdraw.   (The midterm’s gonna suck.)

* The answer to number 4 is "b," and just skip number 17.   (I only got around to making up the test last night.)

* The second list is optional reading.   (I have a rich fantasy life.)

* I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet.   (The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this
course at the last possible minute.)

* Well, it was on the syllabus.   (I’ll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.)

* We’ll just skip the term paper this semester.  (There wasn’t enough in the budget for a TA.)

* Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam.   (See above.)

* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade.   (I’m so boring that no one would show up otherwise.)

* Read chapters 5 through 10.  (I’m not coming in at all next week.)

* We’ll have to cover this chapter quickly.   (I screwed up the lecture schedule.)

* Let’s go over the exam.   (Half of you failed.)

* It was in the textbook.   (I pulled it out of thin air.)

* I’m postponing today’s exam.   (There’s stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.)

* Don’t write on the question sheet.   (I’m so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.)